


Oblivion

by Slave2Niehaus



Category: Orphan Black (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-27
Updated: 2017-08-27
Packaged: 2018-12-20 12:19:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11920770
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Slave2Niehaus/pseuds/Slave2Niehaus
Summary: Cosima's stream of consciousness during the "Defy Them" evening.





	Oblivion

And with that simple green text, the blinking cursor flashing smugly at me, the world fell from underneath my feet. It has all been bullshit. My whole life is a fake. A sick joke. I knew things were bad but I'm just...property. Do they even think of me as a human being? As a woman? Or am I just a thing, a product made flesh, observed and faulty, and by the looks of it deteriorating fast. There is no point to any of this. I am a failed experiment and the clock just started ticking towards my untimely demise. Oh god, Kira. I have to warn Sarah.

I slump back on the couch, overwhelmed and beaten. Beside me, the only genuine friend I thought I had. But even that wasn’t real. I crack and tell her I'm sick and suddenly my eyes are hot with tears. I am now regularly breathless and coughing up blood, and I'm scared out of my mind. She tries to comfort me, and for a moment I allow it, almost forgetting she is one of them. She is part of the lie. Maybe the cruelest part. And I walked right into it with my eyes open. For someone so smart sometimes I even surprise myself how dumb I can be. But I guess the heart wants what it wants.

I feel dizzy. God, I need some air. The place smells faintly of paint and methylated spirit. Doesn't Felix ever open a window? I have to move, I have to ...do something. I am on my feet, pacing. Fuck. I am boiling with rage and there's only one place to put it. "You…you were paid to lie to me!" I seethe, my voice almost a growl. I can barely contain my urge to lash out at her. If she had any sense she would back off and get the hell out of here. I am plunging fast into a tailspin when she grabs hold again and places my palm over her heart. "You feel this?" Her voice is breaking. I do feel it. It is pounding harder than I expect.

She's persistent, I'll give her that. She takes my hand, kisses my palm and begins to press it all over her face and neck.....what is going on? I am a maelstrom of emotions and confusion. This woman who has let me down, betrayed me, is once again wheedling her way into my affections. Is this part of her role? Keep me sweet and emotionally dependent, keep me in her bed, and monitor my sex life in addition to everything else? But there are tears in her eyes too. It doesn't add up. She closes the gap between us. Metaphorically, it has been growing since I discovered her duplicity. We have been fractured. Suddenly her lips are on my neck, her words a balm pulling me back from the brink. I can't find the energy to resist and of course I melt into her arms as a pleasant warmth begins to rush through my body.

More words, grounding me, bolstering my strength, fight them, defy them, be the me-est me I can be, don't let this destroy me, destroy everything that I am...and oh god that _accent_... I find myself nodding in agreement, to whatever she is saying, which I'm sure makes all kinds of sense, but also to what is now happening between us. To my surprise she dips, then effortlessly picks me right up. I wrap my legs tightly around her waist, anchoring myself as she holds me tightly against her, kissing me hard and deep.

My head spins. What the hell am I doing? This is a terrible idea. She is untrustworthy as hell but god help me I want her so badly and she smells soooo good. I need her to make me feel something, something other than despondency and hopelessness, and damn if we aren't half way there anyway, so I break away and just about manage to rasp in her ear, "Take me to bed". She carries me across the loft and deposits the pair of us on Felix's mattress.

Before she can ask if I'm sure, I wriggle out of the rest of my clothes and begin pulling at hers in between desperate kisses. She crawls on top of me and jesus christ her skin feels so good against mine. I lock my legs around her again, aching and wetter than I've ever been. Her touch is electric and right now she is my whole universe. Her mouth, her hands, her tongue are everywhere and oh god she is inside me, we're moving together totally in synch and I don't ever want her to stop fucking me. I am holding on to her for all I'm worth and damnit she's drawing this out for as long as possible as I race towards oblivion.

She clutches me to her as I cry out and gasp for breath and does not loosen her grip until the spasms subside and I begin to settle. I seem to have gone temporarily deaf. Tears are rolling down my face. I can't stop them. There is a little piece of something that is mine. She is peppering my skin with soft kisses, causing several aftershocks to jolt through my body. I turn and nestle into her, our lips brushing lazily together as she tenderly strokes my face.

"Sleep now, ma cherie. Everything will be okay. Everything will be okay. Wait and see". I have no idea how the hell everything will ever be okay but the sound of her voice sooths me. Our legs tangle together and she cradles my head in her hand. I can feel her ample wetness on my thigh but she has no expectation of any attention in return. Not tonight. Tonight she is happy to let me curl up, safe and protected in her arms. Tomorrow is another story altogether. I close my eyes and with a wry smile I wonder if Felix has a washing machine....

 


End file.
